Dear Alma,

Could you recommend some unethical acts bad enough to get me a big payout from the university, but not so bad as to land me in jail? Secret emails worked for Lisa Troyer, Michael Hogan and Phyllis Wise. Or should I verbally abuse some students, like that athletics coach recently?

Love,

Wanda Nestegg

Dear Wanda,

I think you have problems that money can’t fix.

Love,

Alma